The 8th of September in 2022 was a massive day in British history.
Two monumental things happened in the same 24 hour period:
- Queen Elizabeth passed away
- And I was banned from Twitter
Which was the bigger loss to the people of Great Britain?
It’s tough to say.
Understandably, many British people were heartbroken by my banning.
And in the following days, thousands of them felt the need to take to the streets of London to pay their respects for my fallen account.
Why was I banned from Twitter?
My account was mass flagged.
Every tweet pointing out the COVID scam, discussing the real shape of our realm, naming them or mocking the LGBSTD community was reported in under 24 hours.
Very sneaky.
How To Unsuspend Twitter Account
Alright chaps, listen up.
If you enjoy noticing patterns, dropping the hard R, and mocking the mentally-ill members of the modern society…
Then there is a 100% chance that you will eventually get banned from Twitter.
If you can’t resist the urge to return to the bird app, then you can use this as a step-by-step guide for how to evade a Twitter ban:
- Stage 1: Appeal
This probably won’t work but it’s worth a shot.
Apologise, ask for amnesty and claim that you didn’t break any of the rules.
If you’re feeling fruity, you can even offer to delete the offending tweets.
- Stage 2: Delete the app and take some time off
Spend a summer in the South of France, go surfing in Fueteventura, or have some drinks in Dublin.
But whatever you do, take some time away from the internet.
It’s not good for the soul to spend your life looking at memes about how fucked up everything is.
- Stage 3: Delete your history & change your IP Address
When you’re ready to return, clear your cookies/history on all devices and then unplug your wifi-router before bed.
Leave it unplugged overnight and plug it back in in the morning.
This resets your IP Address, so they can’t automatically track and block your new account.
- Stage 4: Get a new SIM card
If you’re in the UK, I recommend buying one from VOXI.
They give you unlimited social media data for £10 a month.
This is the most cost effective way to commit hate crimes.
- Stage 5: Re-download the app and create a new account
Make sure you use a new: twitter handle, email address, birthday, phone number, profile picture and banner.
This helps to avoid triggering the algorithm that gets you banned.
In Memoriam
Here is a montage of tweets that I managed to salvage from my old account.
Although many bangers were lost to the ether, I hope this will ease the pain that many of you are feeling.
In even better news, I have now returned to the twitter timeline.
Follow my two account here:
Absolute Bangers
Timeless Classics
Generation Defining Genius
Insightful Sexism
Tasteful Racism
Eyes Wide Open
Fanatical Faith
The Life and Times of The Great British Bloke
Gentlemen, getting banned from social media has become an inevitability for people like us
If you would like to stay in contact outside of the enemies infrastructure, drop your email address in the form below, and I’ll send updates directly to your inbox.