In Britain, speaking a second language is rightly considered to be an act of complete cuckoldry.
Why bother learning a second language when it’s much simpler to conquer the other country and force them to learn yours?
For crying out loud, embrace your heritage my dear boy!
Don’t you know that this arrogant, imperial attitude is justified by the obvious reality that all foreign languages are verifiably ridiculous.
Just look at the bloody evidence:
- Chinese is nonsense hieroglyphics that only a robot could recite.
- Arabic is as backwards as their treatment of animals.
- Italian is so sexual you have to go to bed in the middle of the day just so you can focus in the afternoon.
- French is so feminine no self respecting man would speak it.
- Spanish is just English with an ‘o’ on the end.
- German is just ruthlessly abrupt and abrasive. Admittedly, it’s a great language for problem-solving but it’s a bad language for intimacy.
The evidence is clear, English is perfect and all other languages are superfluous.
As a result of this, all the other British people and I are only capable of speaking only two and a half foreign words.
They are the words: baguette, café and espresso.
It is physically impossible to convince a British baby-boomer that there is no letter ‘X’ in the word ‘espresso’, but alas, expresso is fairly close.
If you know more than these two and a half foreign words you should take a moment to apologize to your ancestry for betraying British culture.