British comedians used to be great.
Bloody great.
The best in the world.
But recently, something has changed.
British comedians stopped telling jokes and started reciting… propaganda.
This is because, over the last few decades, many British people began to realise that the news was fake and gay.
So, they did the sensible thing and switched it off.
This was a disastrous development for the demonic oligarchs who run the world.
If people stopped caring about their made-up news stories, how could they divide and conquer the masses?
Consequently, and true to their nature, the enemy came up with a sneaky scheme to maintain their psychological control of the British population.
I call it: ‘Propaganda Laundering’.
What they do is simple, but genius.
They pay British comedians to push their political agenda for them in order to ensure that the brainwashing continued.
By permitting British comedians to make fun of the news, within a predetermined ideological framework, the enemy ensured their disinformation campaign was still widely heard by the public… even after the people had stopped watching the news first-hand.
Even for the you know who’s, this was impressively evil.
So, as the custodian of acceptable British behaviour, I have rated the ‘Britishness’ of our comedians out of 10 so you know who to watch and who to avoid.
Who Are The 10 Best And Worst British Comedians?
The Bean.
During the opening ceremony of the London 2012 Olympic games, Rowan Atkinson performed one of the greatest bits of British comedy in history.
Simply by miming a piano performance, he managed to make millions of people laugh, of all ages, all ethnicities, all over the world… without saying a word.
He’s a remarkable artist who represents the epitomy of British humour. Mr. Bean’s an absolute icon, 10/10
The Crazy Cat Man.
Ricky Gervais is the most likable atheist in British history.
Sure, he’s a childless 60-year-old that genuinely cares about cats.
Sure, he’s made millions for the machine by promoting a boring brand of dad-bod atheism.
Sure, he’s single-handedly responsible for the stereotype that British people have bad teeth.
But he also defends free speech, mocks Hollywood’s sneaky, Satan-worshipping celebs, and produces great TV shows like ‘The Office’.
As celebrities go, that’s a pretty damn good trade-off.
He also created the show ‘Afterlife’, which very candidly and comedically explores the difficulties facing aging atheists.
It’s an absolute masterpiece and to be fair to Ricky, so’s he.
A rare talent and one of the best English comedians, 9/10
Ronnie O’Sullivan’s Homosexual Sibling.
Hair transplant, dentures, botox… Jimmy Carr has had more work done than Bruce Jenner.
He used to look like a regular human being, now he looks like a sexually confused Charlie Chaplin.
Jimmy laughs like a seal that’s being sodomised and talks with a ‘posh’ accent that’s faker than Caitlyn Jenner’s clitoris.
Nevertheless, despite this transition to a manufactured appearance, Jimmy’s edgy one-liners, heckler take-downs, and admirable work ethic have made him one of the nation’s favourite British comedians.
He somehow has time to host TV shows, work as a comedy writer and perform stand-up…
All that work must be very taxing on him, 8/10
The Burger King.
Alistair Williams comedy is top notch
He produced the funniest bit of British stand-up comedy in the last few years.
He compared Britain leaving the EU to a group of friends leaving Burger King, and in doing so, reminded people of a time when comedians told jokes rather than recited newspeak.
All credit to him.
Ali’s Anglo-Saxon aesthetic and newfound faith in Jesus Christ means that he’ll never get the press he deserves, so support one of the good guys and check out his work here.
One of the best upcoming English comedians, 7/10.
The Gormless Goon.
Michael McIntyre is the most murderable man in Britain.
Not because he has an intolerable personality and a long string of enemies, no no no…
It’s because this defenceless dipshit walks around London, wearing a £15,000 watch, with the physique of a melting marshmallow.
The outlook for Michael looks bleak.
If the moped gangs don’t get him, heart disease is bound to take him down within the decade.
Michael has two children and this is unacceptable for conflicting reasons.
Firstly, five is the bare minimum number of children a man must have in order to be considered heterosexual.
And secondly, in any serious society, it should be illegal for a man who can’t do a pull-up to breed.
Do we really need more McIntyre’s waddling about our overcrowded island?
Michael has made millions operating as the middle-class mum’s comedian, but to be fair to the human bowling ball, he does a good job of wearing polyester suits and telling inoffensive anecdotes about irrelevant nonsense.
All things considered, he’s a strong 6/10.
Downton Shabby.
Jack Whitehall has the muscle definition of a daffodil and the accent of an inbred aristocrat.
However, despite these disabilities, he has two distinguishing attributes that have made him an unstoppable showbiz star:
Firstly, he’s a talented comedic actor who is very good at performing roles where the character’s personality is absolutely identical to his own.
Secondly, his daddy is a famous talent agent.
Though Jack suffers from a fairly severe case of gayface, he’s an oddly likable and often amusing chap.
He’s a textbook, 5/10.
The Articulate Tranny.
Russel Brand is the renaissance man for homosexual hobbies.
He can act. He can sing. He can dance.
He can do everything except accept that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Saviour.
Russel is a proud member of the LGBSTD community.
He possesses the sartorial elegance of a homeless sodomite, the body art of a braindead bisexual, and the lexicon of a loquacious lesbian.
But, in fairness to the… bloke (?!)… behind his pretentious smorgasbord of contradictory, masonic tattoos, hides a rather humorous fellow.
In 2014, our comedic comrade wrote a book called ‘Revolution’.
This was very bold.
Publicly plotting a coup d’état is always a dangerous affair…
Was Russel hanged, drawn, and quartered like Thomas Baker for attempting to inspire a peasants revolt?
Was Russel imprisoned without charge or trial like Sir Oswald Mosley?
Was Russel tortured into committing suicide like Guy Fawkes?
No. No. And… no.
Russell’s brand of ‘renegade’ thinking was well-received by the monopolistic, mainstream media, stocked in all major book stores, and promoted to his 3 million YouTube subscribers.
How very bourgeois.
You see, Russel has mastered the art of pretending to rage against the machine, whilst being supported, funded, and promoted by it.
What’s this rebel going to do next?!
Come out in favour of fractional reserve banking? 4/10.
The Ticket Taker.
Ten years ago, Frankie would have topped this list by a country mile. He was by far the best of the British comedians, it wouldn’t have even been close.
He possessed all the necessary characteristics of a great comedian (and those of a stereotypical Scotsman).
He was horribly hateful, viciously vindictive, and most importantly, mentally unstable.
Young Frankie dominated Mock the Week with his endless abuse of Maddie McCann, Richard Hammond, and the size of Dara O’Brien’s ever-expanding head.
But then, out of nowhere… something happened.
The countries favourite comedian… turned queer.
The man who was once said:
“I have a theory that Jordan only married a cage fighter cause she needs someone strong enough to stop Harvey from fucking her.”
Started whining about politically incorrect jokes and promoting feminism?
God only knows what happened to him.
Perhaps he read ‘Das Kapital’?
Perhaps the surveillance network caught him on video wanking onto a deep-fried mars bar?
Either way, the once-great Frankie Boyle, sold his soul to the enemy.
The chubby commie now performs a weekly, televised humiliation ritual called ‘New World Order’.
Only Lucifer could be proud of that fall from grace, 3/10.
The Homosexual Hobbit.
Josh Widdicombe is what happens when you make bullying illegal.
Josh is a genderless clump of cells that represents all that is to be despised about modernity.
His cake-batter body and beta-boy bitch face perfectly represent this twink’s personality.
The human latte has less testosterone than Venus Williams, more oestrogen than Michelle Obama, and presumably, a lucrative Soylent sponsorship.
Why on earth did this hobbit choose a career in comedy?
His physiognomy reveals that he would be much happier scurrying around the Shire trying to get his fingers inside Gandalf’s ring.
The silver lining of Western Civilisation’s imminent collapse is that when the grid goes down, losers like this will be dead within the week.
This runt is a 2/10.
The Token.
Without question, Nish Kumar is the least talented, most transparent propagandist, the BBC has ever produced.
In his own way, Nish is a high achiever.
He’s managed to master the art of being overweight whilst looking malnourished.
He’s managed to make a career complaining about the “institutional racism” of Great Britain…
Despite being given wealth, fame, and influence… by its GOVERNMENT.
He also managed to get booed off stage at a charity show after shouting that the attendees were descendants of ‘racist colonizers’… whilst they were raising £160,000 for disabled children.
Quite the resumé.
Nish has a chapati on his shoulder because of all the ‘bad things’ the British did to India…
(like bringing them a functioning economy and indoor plumbing?)
Nevertheless, one thing is for sure, repatriating Nish would be the worst thing the British have ever done to that shithole.
Dude’s a 1/10.