Eggs, salmon, aboriginal land… there is literally nothing the British won’t poach. As much as it pains me to admit it, bottomless brunch is absolutely adored by modern Brits.
It’s time for a change.
Here are 5, iron-clad reasons why bottomless brunch should be banned.
1. It’s Sounds Gay
2. Bottomless Brunch
Firstly, it provides a purpose for the atheist islanders to get up on a Sunday. You shouldnt be going to C , you should be going to confessions
3. Braindead Decadence
Secondly, the middle class has developed a bad habit of wasting their newfound material wealth on ludicrously extravagant purchases.
And let’s be real, there’s nothing quite like spending £19.50 on eggs and coffee to let the working class know that you are better than them.
As if the working class gives a shit?
They’re bust having a Malboro Red and last night’s leftover kebab for breakfast.
Bosh.
4. Alcoholism
Thirdly, the recent invention of ‘boozy bottomless brunch’ has combined two of the British people’s favorite things, binge drinking, and pretentious food.
This way, the ‘brunchers’ can talk about the embarrassing, alcohol-fueled, events of the previous evening… whilst consuming even more alcohol.
They will claim to do this to “cure the hangover” but we all know it’s to help them forget how much of a disappointment they are to their parents.
The world’s most depressing win-win, if you will.
If you haven’t realised it yet, bottomless brunch is an 11am meal where champagne and salmon are served to the most intolerable arseholes in Britain.
5. Complaining
Fourthly, complaining! The British love to moan about current events. At brunch, it is typical to complain about house prices being too high whilst eating a £20 breakfast. But, if you somehow find yourself lost for words on this subject, other classic bottomless brunch conversation topics include:
- Colonisation – “Guys, I am just saying, India isn’t exactly thriving since we left.”
- The Weather – “Guys, British summertime truly is an oxymoron.”
- Tea – “Uhh guys, where’s the bloody waiter? I’m gasping for a cuppa!”