A day in the life of a wage slave at ZogCorp will go down in history as one of the most subtly brutal torture devices ever created.
One hundred years ago, the British were rightfully considered to be the monarchy of humanity.
Our ancestors were maverick explorers, righteous warriors, and unrivalled artists.
They dutifully fulfilled God’s plan for our nation by putting inferior people to the sword.
But now?
How the mighty have fallen.
A large percentage of our people are trapped in wage slavery.
Forced to waste their lives in meetings about meetings, so they can make just enough money to keep paying off the interest on their mortgage.
This article will discuss the darkness of wage slavery and flirt with some ideas about how to escape.
What Is A Wage Slave?
A wage slave is someone who earns a fixed monthly salary for their work, regardless of how much value they produce for their employer.
They have no equity in the business they are building, so don’t benefit at all if the company makes large profits or gets sold.
But they can be fired for minor indiscretions, like telling an offensive joke or refusing to taking a poisonous vaccine.
Most wage slaves only have one income source which means they are TERRIFIED of getting fired and therefore spend their whole lives in a positively precarious position.
The vast majority of people who live like this don’t seem to realise that modern employment is identical to medieval slavery.
I know that sounds shocking, but it’s true.
In the past, slaves worked in exchange for food and shelter.
But now, slaves work in exchange for money.
Just enough money…
To buy food and shelter (but rarely ever enough to start their own business and revolt against the modern world).
A Day In The Life Of A Wage Slave
A day in the life of a wage slave looks like this:
- 8 hours of sleep
- 8 hours working for ZogCorp
- 4 hours commuting/cleaning/eating/exercising/running errands
- 4 hours spare
The wage slave can either accept this soul-crushing situation and try to make the best of it…
Or spend every spare second he has meticulously planning his escape.
Personally, I’ve chosen to do the latter.
Here’s my plan:
- Secure a high-paying, work from home, sales career
- Become exceptionally competent, four times quicker than everyone else, by working twice as hard and twice as effectively as them.
- Complete my work swiftly and spend my free time building a personal brand on social media
- Live humbly and save money to be deployed as start up capital for my new business
- Pay to join communities of people who can teach me how to conduct online business
- Launch an online business, in an industry I’m passionate about, that benefits the British people
What is ZogCorp?
ZogCorp is a business that has slithered its slimy, monopolistic, international, tyrannical tentacles into every single industry in the British economy.
ZogCorp employs almost everyone in the country in a tedious job where they work very long hours, doing barely anything at all.
Life at ZogCorp is fairly simple.
It’s mainly just rearranging PowerPoints, sending emails and resisting the urge to call the HR Director a faggot.
This purposeless existence is what our politicians gave up the empire for.
(Except if you tell an offensive joke, then you’ll be blacklisted from the industry)
What Industries does the Wage Slave work in?
When you get a job at ZogCorp, you’ll find yourself working as a wage slave in one of the following soul destroying industries:
Financial Consulting
I was texting an old friend last year and he bragged about Deloitte paying for his dinner (up to £15) if he stayed in the office past 7:30pm…
I said: “They get free dinner in prison too, you know?”
And never heard from him again.
Banking
The Wolf of Wall Street tricked an entire generation of men into becoming finance bros.
But it was all a con.
There’s no midget throwing or prostitute parties…
Just mask mandates & anti-racism webinars.
Listen up loser.
You’re not a wolf.
You’re a powerpoint poodle.
Wasting your life rearranging slides in a Patagonia Vest.
Sub-human.
Silicon Valley
Decent place to stash cash, but the fake altruism will make you daydream of going full Kaczynski on the Kombucha machine.
You’re not “part of a family” or “making the world a better place”.
You’re an easily replaceable cog who’s paid £150,000 a year to put a drop-down button on an app and ignore the fact that the diversity hire is incapable of doing her job.
Chaps, if you’re looking for meaning, join a church, not a Silicon Valley start-up.
Recruitment
Nothing screams: “I have a double digit IQ” quite like using your one and only life to become a recruitment consultant.
It’s a job that could literally be done by a chimpanzee.
Well, maybe that’s too harsh…
Recruitment consultants tend to be marginally-above-monkey.
Their job is just pressing buttons on a phone while day-dreaming of stockpiling enough commission to buy some skinny jeans and an entry level Submariner.
Send them back to the coal mines.
What’s Life Like As A Wage Slave At ZogCorp?
It’s ghastly.
Here are five main reasons you will hate working for ZogCorp:
1. ZogSpeak
The worst thing about working for ZogCorp is ZogSpeak.
Every middle manager is a mindless moron who speaks in meaningless riddles and does this annoying upspeak thing with their voice at the end of every sentence.
ZogSpeak is infuriating to any man with normal testosterone levels and sounds like this:
“Let’s circle back and discuss the art of the possible? I’ve, um, just like, joined? So I’m like, drinking from the firehose and getting my feet under the desk! Just don’t try to boil the ocean, okay? Focus on the low-hanging fruit so we don’t have to trim the fat!”
2. The Bribery Act of 2005
The Bribery Act ruined corporate life.
Prior to 2005, you could take customers to sports games, comedy specials and strip clubs.
You could explore the city and enjoy the finer things in life… on the companies dime.
This allowed you to bond with your clients on a human level and live life a little.
However, since the passing of this ludicrous law, you now have to declare every expense over £50 to big brother.
What am I supposed to do now?
Take them to Maccy D’s and talk to them about ROI?
3. Reporting Expenses
I’m incapable of claiming expenses.
It’s an expensive attitude for a sales guy to have I know, but c’est la vie.
All good men are allergic to filling in forms.
And ZogCorp demands that you beg like a bitch to be reimbursed for every basic dinner you have with a client.
Fuck that, I have dignity.
£250 a week?
Keep it bitch, I’ll just sell more stuff.
I have ‘delusional narcissism’. Get it right.
4. The People
Last week, a male co-worker on zoom described his weekend as being “fab”.
So I sat there and started running the numbers…
I’d get 25 years in prison for murder.
But I’d be out in 20 with good behaviour.
Seems like a decent deal.
Whats the best way to do it?
Intoxicate his tofu?
Blast his head off with my grandfathers Beretta?
Slip some poison into his soy latte?
When, all of a sudden, my concentration was broken by the sound of his squeaky voice saying: “Uh is my microphone on? Can you hear me?”
“Uh, yeah” I mumbled. “What did you do that was so, fab?”
“I watched Formula 1.” He squeaked.
5. Happy Hour
The worst sound in the world, without question, is the happy hour cackle.
At 5pm every Thursday and Friday, a divorced witch in HR will declare:
“It’s wine o’clock!”
And then let out a soul-curdling, misogyny-inducing, hyena-laugh that echo’s around the open-plan office.
This is one of the rare times I’m happy that concealed carry is illegal in England.
