The Great British BlogThe Bible for British Behaviour
For centuries, Englishmen have prided themselves on having a stiff upper lip. But what the hell does that actually mean? Having a stiff upper lip means that you, as a man, wherever possible, keep all of your problems to yourself. You must endeavour to overcome …
The sunburn meme is true. The sun may never set on the British empire, but it rarely rises on our own island. And as a result, Britain has become a country of radiators and no air conditioning. We are well prepared for winter but have …
In Britain, speaking a second language is rightly considered to be an act of complete cuckoldry. Why bother learning a second language when it’s much simpler to conquer the other country and force them to learn yours? For crying out loud, embrace your heritage my …
English Breakfast Tea is perfect. It’s relaxing, addictive and cheap. It’s like doing heroine without becoming homeless. I’d boil it on a spoon and inject it into my veins if I could. And by the way, every other British person agrees with me. In England, …
Thanks to the Post Office, in Britain we have the red post box. In the Middle East, they have the black post box. And in Birmingham you can find both! The British are oddly proud and protective of their postal service. This is peculiar because …
Drink Driving is an aristocratic hobby. Like, shooting pheasants and insulting peasants. The aristocratic British people dislike watching Formula 1 for a simple reason… the drivers are sober. Seriously. Where’s the fun in watching people succeed at something they’re good at? Are the Formula 1 …
Why are British tennis players so useless at the sport we invented? Are they really incapable of driving home a competitive advantage?? Embarrassing. Anyway, after centuries of failure, we have given up on the thought of our British Tennis Players ever winning anything important.. And …
Blood is thicker than water. That’s what I’ve learned from this ordeal. My grandmother is on her deathbed. I haven’t moved for 10 hours. Just sitting by her side. It could be days, it could be hours, it could be minutes. But her organs are …
Lying is a sin… except when you’re trying to get your woman to a black tie event on time. Then, my dear friends, lying is a NECESSITY. Trust me. I learned this the hard way. My Black-Tie Event Debacle A few years ago, I was …
Humanities greatest philosophers fall into five distinct categories and it’s time for everyone to pick a team. However, before we get into the details, I have a confession to make chaps… I’m a bit of a retard. Not a ‘dribbling on my chin’ kind of …
The alarm shrieked. I jolted out of bed. 4:30am on the 26th December. Bloody hell. My breath condensed in the air as I raced to pull on some warm clothes. Chinos, jumper, Barbour jacket, leather gloves, woolly hat. Ready to go. The floors of our …
Lawrence King is a tax-avoiding, Latina-loving, tweet-posting, pioneer of the wifi-money lifestyle. He’s an all round good chap who has spent the last decade travelling the world whilst earning money from his laptop. Lawrence has very kindly joined us today to explain three things: This …
Divide and conquer. That’s the primary strategy being used to destroy us. We used to live in tight-knit communities with defined roles and responsibilities. But now? The vast majority of men are atomised and adrift. They live alone, work from home, and only have a …
Celebrities are dead and niche micro e-celebs have killed them. The Great British Interview Series will review the mindset, beliefs & work of the key people operating outside of the system. In this instalment, I have a conversation with Al Dawg about grifting, writing, and …
The 8th of September in 2022 was a massive day in British history. Two monumental things happened in the same 24 hour period: Which was the bigger loss to the people of Great Britain? It’s tough to say. Understandably, many British people were heartbroken by …
Everyone knows that wearing a gold signet ring is a subtle nod towards ones social class, generational wealth and appreciation of traditional values. But here are six other irrefutable reasons why every single English gentlemen should wear one. 1. Purpose We’ve existed for THOUSANDS of …
What is the oldest building in England? It’s a hotly contested debate that has raged for centuries. In this article, we’ll review the top 10 candidates for the oldest building in England. What Is The Oldest Building In England? 1. St Martin’s Church in Canterbury …
There may only be 11 people on a cricket team, but they can occupy hundreds of different cricket fielding positions. Yes, these cricket fielding positions have ridiculous names which make absolutely no sense, but no, we’re not going to change them so get over it. …
When I was younger, one of my father’s favourite sayings, was “Less haste, more speed.” He would recite this idiom, like an incantation, every time I jumped head first into something, without first thinking about the wider implications of my actions. As I’ve gotten older, …
This article will explain the biggest mistake parents make when setting up a trust fund (UK Edition). Elite families have known how to protect their assets for thousands of years. It’s about time you people caught up. What is a Trust? Officially: “A trust is …
The Prince Philip Meme was a little bit of light-hearted fun. And I suspect, given his sensational sense of humour, Prince Philip himself would have found it hilarious. You see, political correctness is just communism masquerading as manners. And in the last century, the only …
The vegan’s Antichrist, the diet destroyer, the God of all sandwiches. It could only be… the bacon butty! Arising to the sweet and smoky smell of bacon is one of life’s great pleasures, like scoring your first century and not being born French. There’s no …
A day in the life of a wage slave at ZogCorp will go down in history as one of the most subtly brutal torture devices ever created. One hundred years ago, the British were rightfully considered to be the monarchy of humanity. Our ancestors were …
In 2020, the rodents running the Bank of England decided to provoke the British people by producing a particularly perfidious piece of propaganda… the Diversity Built Britain 50p coin. These serpents defaced our currency with a preposterous lie. They claimed that foreigners, people who arrived …
I know a guy who built a hyper successful software sales team. He took a tech company from £5 Million (in Annual Recurring Revenue) to £500 Million in a decade. Then he hit the fuck-it button and moved to Portugal to spend his retirement surfing …
Seeing a no cycling sign will make my day. Seriously. England has a severe problem and this sign is the first step to solving it. A small group of people have invaded our country… They manipulate our government to create laws that only benefit themselves… …
Americans love English people for one reason… young Hugh Grant His Hollywood movies propagandized every woman of the west into believing that the British are men of class and distinction. This is far from true. Very few British men are capable of quoting Keats whilst …
The British adore apologising; I’m sorry, but it’s true. On one’s quest to become British you must develop the ability to apologise to absolutely anyone, at any time, for anything. But specifically, you must be willing to apologise for things that are not, and could …
British comedians used to be great. Bloody great. The best in the world. But recently, something has changed. British comedians stopped telling jokes and started reciting… propaganda. This is because, over the last few decades, many British people began to realise that the news was …
David Attenborough is a 97 year old, silver-tongued, silver fox who makes nature documentaries telling people how fucked their future is. And for this… he’s literally loved. Loved. David is adored, despite his doomsday message, for only one reason… He has the silkiest voice in …
Parliamentary democracy is the facade that the central bank pays for to placate the British people and trick them into believing they have a say in the direction that the British politicians are taking our country. The truth, however, is that regardless of whether you vote …
Guy Fawkes was the last man to enter the British Parliament with honest intentions. Ok, admittedly, he did try to blow the whole place up, but in his defence, the government is fairly annoying. The irony of course, is that in many ways, Guy Fawkes …
Commuting became popular in the 1970s, when the British fled their cities to escape the diversity they’re legally obligated to love. This trend is called white flight and it led to the development of the suburbs. A suburb is a group of houses, exclusively occupied …
There’s nothing better than watching one of our great British chefs make a meal you have no intention of ever cooking. Seriously, these cooking shows are bloody hilarious. The editors deserve a lot of credit. Somehow can make a TV show about a middle-aged, white …
People claim there are only three types of snakes in England. But they WRONG. There’s at least ten. If you don’t know how to identify them, you will get bitten and die. So pay attention. This article will save your life. It’s the official list …
The British love their incestuous overlords, who are more commonly known as: The Royal family. This was proved when, on the 26th March 2016, despite all the politician’s propaganda, all their lies, all the slander… the British people voted for Brexit and spoke to the …
“What class am I?” These are the first words spoken by every newborn British baby. And quite right too. The British class system is the backbone of our beloved country. In order to be truly British, you must love, understand, and embrace it. Contrary to …
Dating a modern woman is like attending an away day at Anfield… You’re surrounded by red flags. If she was born after 1960, she almost certainly thinks that: voting matters, yoga counts as cardio, equality is awesome, and abortion is: “like, a human right.” If …
The inhumane, illegal, immoral COVID lockdowns drove me insane. I snapped, hit the fuck-it button and started answering normies questions with the truth… With hilarious results. Here are five examples from my life highlighting why all good British men should start liberally hitting the fuck-it …
Black cabs are what British people call taxis in London. To be clear, ‘Black’ refers to the colour of the car, not the driver. You won’t find any rum-punch-loving, marijuana-smoking, jerk-chicken-consuming Afro-Caribbean cabbies in London. For better or for worse, black cabs are exclusively driven …
Is Made in Chelsea scripted? Of course! Reality TV is completely fake and 99% scripted. It’s like politics but with prettier people. In Britain, if you’re working class you watch ‘Geordie Shore’… If you’re middle class you watch ‘Made in Chelsea’… And if you’re mentally …
An Englishman can’t feel safe in the winter unless he owns his own personal snow plough. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it’s true. In Britain, if there’s a double-dip recession, our people continue on as normal. If there’s a terrorist attack, our people continue …
Fox Hunting is an eccentric English tradition. And I know I shouldn’t say this… But, it’s bloody fun. However, before you cast judgment upon me, I feel obliged to point out that the English are not the only race to have unusual relationships with the …
The British have a burning passion for the red phone phone box despite the fact that no one in the country has ever actually used one. Well, that’s not quite true, I see Liverpool fans sleeping in them all the time. If the government was …
All great British blokes are allergic to public transport but love red buses nonetheless. This is bizarre for two reasons: Firstly, the British are a punctual bunch; and a red bus hasn’t left on time for over a century. And secondly, although red buses are …
English legend, Admiral Robert FitzRoy was the man who founded the Met Office. In 1860, he also invented the weather forecast and there hasn’t been an awkward silence in Britain since. This great bloke made it possible to not only discuss the weather today, but …
In Britain, your geographical location dictates whether or not it is socially acceptable to even consider talking to strangers. The rule is simple. Talking to strangers is only permitted for those in the North of England (which is anywhere above Oxford). In the North, people …
The British love the Old Tyme Bulldog because they are ugly but cute, like every bloke’s first girlfriend. Furthermore, these furry fellows are without question, the canine incarnation of former Prime Minister, Winston Churchill. They share many similarities: The English Bulldog looks like God created …
David Attenborough’s fear mongering documentaries about how “the planet is dying”, scared a small percentage of the British people into becoming annoyingly obsessed with recycling. Who exactly is obsessed with recycling? It’s not the working-class. They don’t care about recycling because they have actual problems …
The traditional British Gentleman is a fantastic character enjoyed across the world. However, to be considered a true British gentleman yourself, you must enjoy smoking cuban cigars. Well, perhaps on reflection, that’s not quite true. You must be able to pretend that you enjoy smoking …